Love that Dirty Water

Over the past few days my head has been swimming. So many thoughts, so many feelings, so many emotions. Those that are most prevalent have been ones of overwhelming pride and gratitude.

Nine and a half years ago I made the decision to leave the places that were my home, move across the country to a city I had always wanted to see, and start a new life. And so I did. The timing was right, opportunities presented themselves to make it happen, and I jumped or perhaps ran. Either way, from Colorado to Massachusetts I went- and I never looked back. It changed my life in ways that I never knew it would. As I became accustomed to this new city, this new way of life. I fell and I fell hard. Boston- stole my heart. It made an imprint of my life what I will never be able to remove- and frankly, I don't want to. I'm proud, so incredibly proud.

I'm proud of who it's made me, proud to be able to say that I lived there, and proud to say Boston has become a part of me. As I search for words to express what I mean by this I find that I am at a loss. You see Boston is a city that can swallow you up, eat you whole, and spit you out without missing a step. At a glance it's full of hard corners, dizzying roads, and cold weather. But if you stick it out it's a city that can embrace you and once it does it won't let go. It gets in your blood, defines you and becomes a part of who you are. To say that I love this city would be an understatement. I feel fortunate to have had the opportunity to live there and I will be forever grateful for who I am because of it.

There are some that will say I am being dramatic- but there are those out there that know. You understand what I mean. You've experienced it.

ah-ha

I am here. Yup. Haven't gone very far. I am sitting just where you left me.

Here is my thought for the day.

......

Yup. That about sums it up.

How about you? You got something for me???

monster! monster!

there's a monster under my bed!

ummm....soo....

I was just looking at my desk at work and discovered the following:

I have three bottles of liquids on my desk. All different. Two types of water. One with electrolytes, the other with the tinest bit of lemonade. The third is a strawberry lemonade. The smallest of the three is a 20 oz bottle. The largest is a 33.8 oz bottle. I like liquid.

I just inhaled a small bag of yogurt covered pretzels. Afterwards I review the calorie content. I will not share what I learned but I will tell you that I will not burn off all the calories I need to by the end of today.

I am either dehydrated and trying to hydrate as quickly as possible or I am bored.

shoes.

if you want to really get to know a person take a moment to step into their shoes. don't wear socks. close your eyes and feel. feel all the little bumps and indents that have been worn into their sole. all the cold spots and the warm spots. just stand there. take a deep breath and think, for just one brief moment, what it would be like to walk in those shoes for a few steps, a few feet, perhaps even a mile. acknowledge that these shoes have been worn through thick and thin. gaze at the outside of each shoe- acknowledge the parts that are well worn- those that aren't. perhaps there is a bit of dust on the toe. don't brush it off- just recognize its presence. when you are done place them- gently, exactly as you found them. say thank you and walk forward, carrying with you the things that you have learned.

"you look tired."

so....this may have just become one of my least favorite phrases. lets face it. I suffer from what most active single adults around my age suffer from- exhaustion. I am almost ALWAYS tired. I will almost NEVER get enough sleep. And when I do get enough sleep I end up, for some inexplicable reason (okay I understand the science but not the logic behind it), looking more tired the next day. So please, when all is said and done, have a little pity and don't tell me I look tired. The only thing that manages to do is remind me of how tired I actually am.

and that is my rant for today. come back tomorrow for something a little more upbeat.

wonderings....

Why is it that most often the thought of a new little one coming into the world fills your heart with joy? What is it about the creation of life that is so thrilling? It's fascinating to me how across the world the reaction is most often the same. Happiness, excitement, joy, love. Warmth fills the chest and we rejoice in the knowledge that soon a new little one will grace the earth with her presence. What is it that is so special about this? I know there is a response but my mind seems to only barely grasp the complexity of the answer. It seems simplified in my mind- down to something appearing as simple as breathing. Yet when you really think about it the act o breathing isn't so simple now is it? And so I am left curious and wondering.

dancing a confession...

For those of you residing in the general Boston area you may be curious as to why a guest appearance by yours truly is a rare occasion. Well I have fallen in love. Yes- me. Head over heels in love with a little something called Lindy Hop. For those of you who do not know what this is I would suggest youtube...that tends to be the general go to these days. For those of you who do- the answer is no, I do not do all the crazy flips. But there is plenty of other "stuff" that I am determined to master. The confession comes in admitting the amount of time that I tend to sink into this endeavor. To be honest with you I am at about 18-20 hours a week. Practically another job. But I love it. So there you have it. I have found my place in life- on the dance floor. And no I will not now, nor ever, participate in any shows based upon dance and the like. But thanks for asking.

a list...

of today's accomplishments.

1. slept in

2. had a long overdue conversation with a dear, dear friend

3. bought and succesfully programed a remote for my tv/dvd player

4. found a new book to read

5. made homemade hummus

6. relaxed

....and the night is still very young. I wonder what it will bring me.

correspondence

Please humor me for one moment while I share with you the following correspondence. Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

****

Letter 1:

p.

any interest in going with me to this concert? we haven't had a chance to catch up in awhile. I think it would be fun...that is unless you were planning on taking your gf with...then it would be fun for you but not so much fun for me....let me know your thoughts. not all of them. just the ones pertaining to this invite....

b.

Letter 2:

Hi B,

Thanks for the invite. I do have plans of being accompanied, though, already in place; yet, since I know quite a few folks are going, the more the merrier! I think it will be a big group thing, despite people coming separately. So hopefully you'll still decide to attend.

On a separate note, I was intrigued by the word choice in the your email. I wasn't sure which of the following definitions the word "gf" referred to in the context of your email:

1) grand-father
2) gold ferret
3) golf films
4) grey faucet
5) gimbaled flamethrower
6) gooey flan
7) green flatulence
8) goat feces
9) gang friends
10) ghetto funk

As you can see, inserting any of these possibilities in your sentence "I think it would be fun...that is unless you were planning on taking your [INSERT PHRASE STARTING WITH GF HERE] with...then it would be fun for you but not so much fun for me," could result in a viable statement. Please elaborate for my sake and help make a confused man happy for a day. :)

Take care,
P.

Letter 3:

Dear P,

I am happy to hear that you are planning to attend the event this evening. It sounds like it will be a roaring good time. I have yet to decide what my plans will be. I am torn between sitting and listening to music or getting up and dancing to it- though the dancing and sitting will not happen at the same location.

As for the word choice in my previous email. First off let me apologize for the confusion, I realize that my tendency to be vague often leaves you with the freedom to choose your options as to what I was originally intending. So as to not lead us in a direction that continues to be far off the intended path let me be more direct. The term that I meant to use is: girlfriend.

So as to minimize any further confusion I will provide you with additional options or terms that you may also use:

1) honey

2) beau

3) sugar

4) steady

5) sweetheart

6) tootsie

7) flame

While I realize that out of context these words may provide some mild amusement (lets face it, in context they will do the same) the intention is to refer to the individual that will be accompanying you. Though the most appropriate term for this person would most likely be "object of your affection".

One last thought before I go. While I did find the terms that you gave me very amusing I would like to point out that it may not be a good idea to refer to an individual as either a gimbaled flamethrower, green flatulence, or goat feces. It may leave something of a sour taste in ones mouth (literally or figuratively).

Cheers,

B

ps. Siberia has once again grown cold. I have relocated to the Sahara- desolation is often most appealing in times like these.

****

I hope that you have been as entertained as I.

Marieisms.....

So...I have this fantastic co-worker who has all of these catchy sayings that I love. I thought that you might get a kick out of them as well. Here is a few to wet your whistle:

"You know me, I'm not backwards about coming forwards."

"You're about as subtle as a hand grenade."

this has been directed at me once or twice....maybe more....

"To the moon! To. The. Moon."

most often used when expressing frustration....love it!

All three of these bring a smile to my face and almost make me double over laughing.

a little rhyme, a little riddle

lefties, lefties, everywhere
lefties, lefties, under where.
lefties, lefties, I don't care.
lefties, lefties, everywhere.

walking home...

last night I had the opportunity to walk home with a good friend. we had a simply fabulous conversation. one that was deep- diving into topics whose answers may always elude us. but it was good. no conclusion were reached but in the end I felt comforted by the knowledge and realizations that I gained as a result of the conversation.

experiences like this are my favorite. I enjoy turning over ideas in my head and I love discussing them with others- especially friends.

it was a good night.

name change....

or maybe title change...

inspired by a good friend who thought that it would be smiply perfect if I had a blog titled "jasmania". luckily I already had the blog. all I had to do was change the title. :)

Be well...

In an email correspondence from a friend she signed it with the term- "be well". I have never really thought about the ending of an email and how it may or may not effect me...but this one caught me off guard. There is something about the simplicity of the thought that comes with the phrase "be well". It seems to express a deeper care and concern for the well being of the other. a genuine desire that as they part from this interaction they may actually take health and well wishes along with them. I love it. I may have to pick this little phrase up and take it along with me.

Forwards....

I am not such a big fan of email forwards. But once in a great while....once in a blue moon I fall victim the the forward trap. You know the one...the line on the end asking a simple question or making a statement. A question such as- "don't you want someone else to experience the same joy you just felt?" Or the statement that says something similar to "do this and a miracle will happen tonight in your life".

I fall victim to these simply because, there are times when I want to hold onto that hope that a miracle will happen in my life. It really is quite simple. It is not something that happens often but when it does....well you get a forward.

Life is fabulous.

Today- I work.
Tonight- I play.

The weekend is destined to be filled with fun and entertainment- not to mention the fact that I am getting out of town. What more can a girl ask for? Don't get me wrong- I love Boston. I love living here and I love all that it has to offer. But I also love exploration. The opportunity to get out and see the rest of the world. This weekend it is NYC and CT- with old friends and soon to be new ones. It will definitely be a weekend that I will not forget.

Growling dogs, happy cats, phone calls, and neighbors.

The other night I had decided to go for a walk while talking with a friend on the phone. This is actually a common practice these days as I live with 5 other people...walks are the best way to find privacy, but that is beside the point. As I was walking back to my apartment, while still talking on the phone, I passed a woman with a very small dog. He was small and black and snarling. Now most people who cross a dog who is verbally annoyed will continue past that dog. But I was curious. I stopped to ask the owner..."is he always like this". Her response was "no he just growls inappropriately". So I thought...well maybe he isn't an angry dog. He came up to me, still slightly agitated but calming as time passed, and put his little front paws on the front of my legs. I leaned down and started petting this small furry creature that had decided to invade my space. As I was talking to him he once again became agitated and jumped up trying to bite my hand. Luckily he didn't catch the skin but did catch my thumb and I walked away unscathed with the woman yelling at her dog in the background and me chuckling to myself.

The next encounter that I had was with a neighbor of mine. A very nice gentleman who was standing on his front porch and who had witnessed the whole thing. I stopped and chatted with him briefly asking if that dog was always like that. He said that usually the dog was growling at him but tonight decided to be nice. I guess I must have been on the blacklist that night.

Although the next two cats that I ran into were quite pleasant. One attempted to follow me home. The second decided to lay himself in my path demanding attention- how could I resist?

All in all it was a very eventful evening.

Mind you I was on the phone the whole time....I was being quite rude to my friend. I hope I am forgiven.

Gratitude

I think that I need to take a moment to seek a sense of gratitude in my life. Most days this comes as a very simple task, most often naturally with little thought. But today it comes as a struggle. I think that when in the midst of trying to make decisions I become overwhelmed, seeking a very large hole to crawl into. A friend recently made a comment to me about he tries to live his life being proactive rather than reactive. It is something that made me stop and think. I had to really honestly ask myself how I live my life. I found that it is a combination of both. Sometimes leaning more to one side then the other. I remember a favorite Bishop on mine one saying that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. This is the same principle, is it not? So where do gratitude come into this equation? For now it will be in the simple fact that I have remembered a principle that was taught to me long ago. Maybe as I begin to think a little more about this I will seek my hole a little less until eventually it will be nothing more than a passing thought.

I've missed you....

Dear Blog,

I have missed you. I am sorry for my long absence. I apologize for walking away. Please know that you were thought of often. Many a story has been written to share with you, many a thought stored away for the perfect time to place it here- where you will keep it safe. I am back, my dear blog and I will do my best to be diligent and dedicated to keeping you as an active part of my life. Thank you blog for not forgetting me and for remembering the things that I have shared. Thank you for keeping them safe so that I can come back and be reminded of the lessons I have learned.

Fondly and gratefully yours,
me