correspondence

Please humor me for one moment while I share with you the following correspondence. Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

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Letter 1:

p.

any interest in going with me to this concert? we haven't had a chance to catch up in awhile. I think it would be fun...that is unless you were planning on taking your gf with...then it would be fun for you but not so much fun for me....let me know your thoughts. not all of them. just the ones pertaining to this invite....

b.

Letter 2:

Hi B,

Thanks for the invite. I do have plans of being accompanied, though, already in place; yet, since I know quite a few folks are going, the more the merrier! I think it will be a big group thing, despite people coming separately. So hopefully you'll still decide to attend.

On a separate note, I was intrigued by the word choice in the your email. I wasn't sure which of the following definitions the word "gf" referred to in the context of your email:

1) grand-father
2) gold ferret
3) golf films
4) grey faucet
5) gimbaled flamethrower
6) gooey flan
7) green flatulence
8) goat feces
9) gang friends
10) ghetto funk

As you can see, inserting any of these possibilities in your sentence "I think it would be fun...that is unless you were planning on taking your [INSERT PHRASE STARTING WITH GF HERE] with...then it would be fun for you but not so much fun for me," could result in a viable statement. Please elaborate for my sake and help make a confused man happy for a day. :)

Take care,
P.

Letter 3:

Dear P,

I am happy to hear that you are planning to attend the event this evening. It sounds like it will be a roaring good time. I have yet to decide what my plans will be. I am torn between sitting and listening to music or getting up and dancing to it- though the dancing and sitting will not happen at the same location.

As for the word choice in my previous email. First off let me apologize for the confusion, I realize that my tendency to be vague often leaves you with the freedom to choose your options as to what I was originally intending. So as to not lead us in a direction that continues to be far off the intended path let me be more direct. The term that I meant to use is: girlfriend.

So as to minimize any further confusion I will provide you with additional options or terms that you may also use:

1) honey

2) beau

3) sugar

4) steady

5) sweetheart

6) tootsie

7) flame

While I realize that out of context these words may provide some mild amusement (lets face it, in context they will do the same) the intention is to refer to the individual that will be accompanying you. Though the most appropriate term for this person would most likely be "object of your affection".

One last thought before I go. While I did find the terms that you gave me very amusing I would like to point out that it may not be a good idea to refer to an individual as either a gimbaled flamethrower, green flatulence, or goat feces. It may leave something of a sour taste in ones mouth (literally or figuratively).

Cheers,

B

ps. Siberia has once again grown cold. I have relocated to the Sahara- desolation is often most appealing in times like these.

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I hope that you have been as entertained as I.

Marieisms.....

So...I have this fantastic co-worker who has all of these catchy sayings that I love. I thought that you might get a kick out of them as well. Here is a few to wet your whistle:

"You know me, I'm not backwards about coming forwards."

"You're about as subtle as a hand grenade."

this has been directed at me once or twice....maybe more....

"To the moon! To. The. Moon."

most often used when expressing frustration....love it!

All three of these bring a smile to my face and almost make me double over laughing.