Confession

So I have a little confession to make...I crack myself up. Seriously. I would have to say that I am possibly one of the funniest people that I know. I know this may sound a little arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, or any other adjective that you would like to insert here. But for those of you that know me, you know that I try my darndest not to be any of those. Oh I have my moments...I am sure we all do. For some those moments last a bit longer then for others- but they are there. I will admit that.

Back to the whole "funniest person I know" thing. There are times that I really wish that others could be there with me. Just a fly on the wall. I sometimes think that my funniest moments are when I am all alone. When there is nobody there for me to share it with. So I just start laughing. Sometimes it is a loud laugh. Other times it is a soft chuckle. And almost always I get a funny look from a passerby. But hey! I firmly believe that laughter is an essential part of life. So I will just go on laughing. I will relish in the moments that I am able to make others laugh and live in the moments that I make myself laugh. And if you ever get to be that fly on the wall I hope that you find at least a small bit of entertainment in the experience.

Wiggle Room

Some people have this way of just wiggling themselves right into your soul. And once they get there, they find themselves a little hole or corner and become such an essential part of who you are that without them you are lost. You become the dog chasing it's tail- endlessly trying to grab on and never let go, yet never able to truly grab hold. You have moments where you seek them out. Moments where you try to find them or replace them and yet success seems to elude you. Left standing there with empty hands and a hole, not very big but there, left empty. Sometimes you wonder- "would life be better without this void?" Yet if you were to look back on your life you would realize that the answer is "no". Because without them you would not be you. They have come, maybe briefly and for just a few moments, and left an impression on your life so deep that nothing can erase or move it. It becomes a part of you- of who you are. This impression pushes you forward to be better, to live deeper, and to embrace those parts of you that are there because of someone else.

Here's the story.....

At the beginning of the year I had a plan. For those of you who know me well, you know that this is a big step for me. I don't make plans often, largely due to the fact past plans have been thwarted. But I was excited- I had a plan. I knew what I wanted to do. So I returned from Christmas break...rang in the new year with a polar bear swim and thought I was off to a good start.

Then about a week later everything changed. There were some cutbacks at work, people got laid-off and I was one of them. My plan dissolved and I had to find a way to come up with a new one. First things first. I bought a plane ticket to England. I mean, why not? I was jobless and had nothing better to do with my time, right? Right. Now before you go off thinking that I have been completely irresponsible. Yes. I did do the whole job search thing...I was actually fairly diligent in my efforts. I even interviewed, sent out my resumes to countless openings ( I am still getting rejections to this day), and began to branch out in my search. Looking into opportunities that were outside of my past experiences. Luckily, due to the grace of a friend, I was referred to a great temp agency and have been working for them since my return from England. This worked out perfectly. However there was still that little question of...what am I going to do with my life? Or at least where do I want to and what do I want to accomplish?

Well to make a long story short...after a lot of soul searching and a bit of traveling. I may have the beginnings of another plan. I am starting a bit smaller this time...monthly increments instead of yearly and hoping that all goes as....well as planned!

First I have decided that it is time for me to go home. I have missed my family greatly and I have missed the mountains and the culture of the west. Summer is just around the corner and there is nothing that I would rather do then spend countless hours out in the sunshine in the Rockies. So I have decided that I would do exactly that. I will go back to my roots, figure out where it all started, and move forward from there. To facilitate this process I have found the perfect job....playing with little children all summer at a dude ranch.

Second or maybe third attempt...

Okay...so several months ago (something I am a bit hesitant to admit) I was rebuked for my lack of blogging effort. I than made a vow (which I am also hesitant to admit) that I would try to improve. I have failed. So in an effort to make amends I have decided that I will do my best- over the next few weeks to update the dark recesses of this cosmic void in my life (what in the world?!?!).

Yeah- what I really meant to say that that I am going to make a very sincere and strong effort to blog and thus update. Read or don't read at your leisure. But always enjoy.