Forwards....

I am not such a big fan of email forwards. But once in a great while....once in a blue moon I fall victim the the forward trap. You know the one...the line on the end asking a simple question or making a statement. A question such as- "don't you want someone else to experience the same joy you just felt?" Or the statement that says something similar to "do this and a miracle will happen tonight in your life".

I fall victim to these simply because, there are times when I want to hold onto that hope that a miracle will happen in my life. It really is quite simple. It is not something that happens often but when it does....well you get a forward.

Life is fabulous.

Today- I work.
Tonight- I play.

The weekend is destined to be filled with fun and entertainment- not to mention the fact that I am getting out of town. What more can a girl ask for? Don't get me wrong- I love Boston. I love living here and I love all that it has to offer. But I also love exploration. The opportunity to get out and see the rest of the world. This weekend it is NYC and CT- with old friends and soon to be new ones. It will definitely be a weekend that I will not forget.

Growling dogs, happy cats, phone calls, and neighbors.

The other night I had decided to go for a walk while talking with a friend on the phone. This is actually a common practice these days as I live with 5 other people...walks are the best way to find privacy, but that is beside the point. As I was walking back to my apartment, while still talking on the phone, I passed a woman with a very small dog. He was small and black and snarling. Now most people who cross a dog who is verbally annoyed will continue past that dog. But I was curious. I stopped to ask the owner..."is he always like this". Her response was "no he just growls inappropriately". So I thought...well maybe he isn't an angry dog. He came up to me, still slightly agitated but calming as time passed, and put his little front paws on the front of my legs. I leaned down and started petting this small furry creature that had decided to invade my space. As I was talking to him he once again became agitated and jumped up trying to bite my hand. Luckily he didn't catch the skin but did catch my thumb and I walked away unscathed with the woman yelling at her dog in the background and me chuckling to myself.

The next encounter that I had was with a neighbor of mine. A very nice gentleman who was standing on his front porch and who had witnessed the whole thing. I stopped and chatted with him briefly asking if that dog was always like that. He said that usually the dog was growling at him but tonight decided to be nice. I guess I must have been on the blacklist that night.

Although the next two cats that I ran into were quite pleasant. One attempted to follow me home. The second decided to lay himself in my path demanding attention- how could I resist?

All in all it was a very eventful evening.

Mind you I was on the phone the whole time....I was being quite rude to my friend. I hope I am forgiven.

Gratitude

I think that I need to take a moment to seek a sense of gratitude in my life. Most days this comes as a very simple task, most often naturally with little thought. But today it comes as a struggle. I think that when in the midst of trying to make decisions I become overwhelmed, seeking a very large hole to crawl into. A friend recently made a comment to me about he tries to live his life being proactive rather than reactive. It is something that made me stop and think. I had to really honestly ask myself how I live my life. I found that it is a combination of both. Sometimes leaning more to one side then the other. I remember a favorite Bishop on mine one saying that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. This is the same principle, is it not? So where do gratitude come into this equation? For now it will be in the simple fact that I have remembered a principle that was taught to me long ago. Maybe as I begin to think a little more about this I will seek my hole a little less until eventually it will be nothing more than a passing thought.

I've missed you....

Dear Blog,

I have missed you. I am sorry for my long absence. I apologize for walking away. Please know that you were thought of often. Many a story has been written to share with you, many a thought stored away for the perfect time to place it here- where you will keep it safe. I am back, my dear blog and I will do my best to be diligent and dedicated to keeping you as an active part of my life. Thank you blog for not forgetting me and for remembering the things that I have shared. Thank you for keeping them safe so that I can come back and be reminded of the lessons I have learned.

Fondly and gratefully yours,
me

A lesson.....

Life is short.
Time goes by quickly.
Tomorrow may be your last day on earth.
Or it may be today.

As a child I was taught how to love unabashedly. I was taught to give of myself freely, without restraint. I was taught to express love often. To laugh always and to share that laughter with others. I was taught loss. I was taught sorrow. I was taught regret.

As an adolescent I decided to change. I didn't want to experience loss in the same way. I wanted to walk without regret. I wanted to be free.

As an adult I have chosen to express gratitude quickly without reserve. To love freely. To live each day knowing that I have done all that I can. I have chosen laughter and joy over sorrow and sadness. I have chosen sincerity over insincerity. I have chosen, quite simply, to be me.

Boston I'm back!!!!!

I am finally back in Boston and I love it! It is great to return to the world of civilization. Don't get me wrong- I love my summer mountain home and there are times when I miss it desperately. But Boston....well fellow Bostonians know, there is just something special about this place. And I am oh-so-excited to be back and to be apart of it.

Confession

So I have a little confession to make...I crack myself up. Seriously. I would have to say that I am possibly one of the funniest people that I know. I know this may sound a little arrogant, self-centered, egotistical, or any other adjective that you would like to insert here. But for those of you that know me, you know that I try my darndest not to be any of those. Oh I have my moments...I am sure we all do. For some those moments last a bit longer then for others- but they are there. I will admit that.

Back to the whole "funniest person I know" thing. There are times that I really wish that others could be there with me. Just a fly on the wall. I sometimes think that my funniest moments are when I am all alone. When there is nobody there for me to share it with. So I just start laughing. Sometimes it is a loud laugh. Other times it is a soft chuckle. And almost always I get a funny look from a passerby. But hey! I firmly believe that laughter is an essential part of life. So I will just go on laughing. I will relish in the moments that I am able to make others laugh and live in the moments that I make myself laugh. And if you ever get to be that fly on the wall I hope that you find at least a small bit of entertainment in the experience.

Wiggle Room

Some people have this way of just wiggling themselves right into your soul. And once they get there, they find themselves a little hole or corner and become such an essential part of who you are that without them you are lost. You become the dog chasing it's tail- endlessly trying to grab on and never let go, yet never able to truly grab hold. You have moments where you seek them out. Moments where you try to find them or replace them and yet success seems to elude you. Left standing there with empty hands and a hole, not very big but there, left empty. Sometimes you wonder- "would life be better without this void?" Yet if you were to look back on your life you would realize that the answer is "no". Because without them you would not be you. They have come, maybe briefly and for just a few moments, and left an impression on your life so deep that nothing can erase or move it. It becomes a part of you- of who you are. This impression pushes you forward to be better, to live deeper, and to embrace those parts of you that are there because of someone else.

Here's the story.....

At the beginning of the year I had a plan. For those of you who know me well, you know that this is a big step for me. I don't make plans often, largely due to the fact past plans have been thwarted. But I was excited- I had a plan. I knew what I wanted to do. So I returned from Christmas break...rang in the new year with a polar bear swim and thought I was off to a good start.

Then about a week later everything changed. There were some cutbacks at work, people got laid-off and I was one of them. My plan dissolved and I had to find a way to come up with a new one. First things first. I bought a plane ticket to England. I mean, why not? I was jobless and had nothing better to do with my time, right? Right. Now before you go off thinking that I have been completely irresponsible. Yes. I did do the whole job search thing...I was actually fairly diligent in my efforts. I even interviewed, sent out my resumes to countless openings ( I am still getting rejections to this day), and began to branch out in my search. Looking into opportunities that were outside of my past experiences. Luckily, due to the grace of a friend, I was referred to a great temp agency and have been working for them since my return from England. This worked out perfectly. However there was still that little question of...what am I going to do with my life? Or at least where do I want to and what do I want to accomplish?

Well to make a long story short...after a lot of soul searching and a bit of traveling. I may have the beginnings of another plan. I am starting a bit smaller this time...monthly increments instead of yearly and hoping that all goes as....well as planned!

First I have decided that it is time for me to go home. I have missed my family greatly and I have missed the mountains and the culture of the west. Summer is just around the corner and there is nothing that I would rather do then spend countless hours out in the sunshine in the Rockies. So I have decided that I would do exactly that. I will go back to my roots, figure out where it all started, and move forward from there. To facilitate this process I have found the perfect job....playing with little children all summer at a dude ranch.

Second or maybe third attempt...

Okay...so several months ago (something I am a bit hesitant to admit) I was rebuked for my lack of blogging effort. I than made a vow (which I am also hesitant to admit) that I would try to improve. I have failed. So in an effort to make amends I have decided that I will do my best- over the next few weeks to update the dark recesses of this cosmic void in my life (what in the world?!?!).

Yeah- what I really meant to say that that I am going to make a very sincere and strong effort to blog and thus update. Read or don't read at your leisure. But always enjoy.